I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
