Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
