it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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