We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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