oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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