i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
