Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
try to milk me bitch
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
