So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
