The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize