I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
