she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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