if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
