Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize