I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
