I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
