apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
