I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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