when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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