Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize