dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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