4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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