I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
