I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
