I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
