Ketchup is God's man juice
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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