I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
operation harelip BJ is a go
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
