U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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