Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
