just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
