it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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