he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
