I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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