All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
