Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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