just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Do you have feelings for this penis?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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