doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
