just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
