Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
