Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
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