I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
PANTIES FOUND
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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