So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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