I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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