Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
