You made me cry and you don't even care
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I think my nap took me to another dimension
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize
