Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
