i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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