is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
