afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
