They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
did i walk over a car last night?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
