all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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