You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
