dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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