he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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