batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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