my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize