Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
