guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize