You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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