Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
