So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Randomize
