the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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