Me. At least after what I've been through.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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