the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
