Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
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