Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
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