im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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