you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize
