My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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