I want to walk on stilts...naked
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
