when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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